you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
