im having a threesome with these popsicles
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
