a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
