Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
