i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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