Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
