from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
