Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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