I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
