Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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