I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
