I wannas sexs uuuuu
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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