So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
