What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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