one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
