Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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