Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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