we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
