you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
