I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
