also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
