Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
