I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
