I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
