YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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