Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
