I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
