I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
