I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
