recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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