I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
