Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize