Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
