Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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