I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
