chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize