My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just blew my weed a kiss
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
