No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
