I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
not ubering you a puppy
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
