I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
