It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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