We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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