Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Randomize
