I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
There are leaves in my underwear?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
