If i come over, it means nothing
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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