I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
