1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
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