ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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