i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
