He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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