wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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