I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
this will be a night to untag.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize