If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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