no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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