I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
