I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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