He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
