did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
