I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
