now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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