I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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