So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
