i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
