mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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